Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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