if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
