guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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