I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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