So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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