Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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