my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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