i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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