yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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