i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize