Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
