covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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