someone threw a dead crab at me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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