She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
