i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
