WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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