I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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