If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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