ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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