It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
