I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
