I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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