I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
