Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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