I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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