I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
