he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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