Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
