I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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