Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
