i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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