week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
