i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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