belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
