i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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