i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
