Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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