were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
