Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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