is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
