I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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