ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
