I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
