oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
