We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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