Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
