I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
