I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
