We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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