i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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