hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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