I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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