exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
