Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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