i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
