i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
