There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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