i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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