No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
