Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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