the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
