I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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