Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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