I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
