i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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