Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just blew my weed a kiss
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
