if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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