I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
