my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
