How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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