my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
