how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
