oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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