Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
