Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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