1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We need a shit load of segways right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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